STOP TALKING ABOUT WORK AT HOME

Steven Cesare, Ph.D.

A detail-oriented business owner from Missouri called me the other day to talk about the ever-increasing degree of overlap between her work life and her personal life. Oh, by the way, she and her husband own the company together. While not complaining about her supportive spouse, the female business owner expressed, in great length, her sense that the responsibilities of running a successful company were consuming more of her domestic life, self-talk, and alleged “down time” than she thought was healthy.

It’s not healthy!

It’s not healthy for anyone: business owners, managers, employees of any stripe.

We all do it. We know we do it. We know we must stop doing it. So, stop doing it!

First and foremost, nobody really wants to listen to you talk about work. In their minds, they already know that you are conveying your work life to them in a reality show motif with yourself conveniently cast as the star, victim, or narrator. Save your breath. We’ll watch the reruns on Tubi.

I’m sure your family, friends, and support group members have all been trained on effective listening skills, and as such, are feigning interest waiting for you to pause, change the subject, or give them a chance to overwhelm you with their own sense of self-indulgent drama. They are just too nice to tell the truth to you.

Second, physical, emotional, and psychological burnout can happen. Do me a favor. When you go to the gym, direct your entire workout isolating only on your right arm; from now on. Likewise, when you are driving your car, rev the motor to its maximum when you are at a stop light; every time. Next, call Morgan Spurlock and eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at McDonald’s on a daily basis; every day. My overdrawn point illustrates that repetition breeds weakness, harm, and damage.

The same can be said when a person is persistently consumed by one primary topic, notably work. Concern leads to preoccupation, which when left unrestrained promotes depression and unhappiness. Burnout really does happen. Unfortunately, it is frequently only recognized when it is too late.

Third, exert some self-discipline. Turn off work at 5:30 every night, and keep it turned off from Friday at 5:30 pm to Monday at 7:00 am. If you cannot get all your work done in 40-50 hours per week, you are inefficient not overworked, you are narcissistic not misunderstood, and most of all, you are selfish instead of being supportive of others. Those delusional qualities are unattractive to everyone, except you.

That self-discipline requires renewed commitment from you to accomplish your daily and weekly work tasks within an agreeable reasonable timeframe (i.e., not after 5:30 pm when you are home). Time management is key, more delegation is advised, daily checklists represent prioritization, and diving home when the sun is still out is a rewarding victory. Apply the same conscientious commitment to your home life as you do to your work life. Instead of being at every work team meeting on time, commit yourself to be at home every night by 6pm to have dinner with your family. Instead of talking about your workday at the dinner table, pivot that redeployed energy to your spouse, children, or family members and listen to what’s important to them on a daily basis. Instead of talking about work after dinner, do something else for yourself or others.

By the way: You are not that important while you are at work. Work is not important while you are at home. You are much more important than you think when you are at home.

This process takes time, especially from Type A personalities, perfectionists, and capitalists. Start slow, develop a plan, initiate restraint, consider other conversation topics, smile at others when they express themselves to you, begin a new domestic routine (e.g., gym, reading, walking the dog, enjoying the weekend) that is not held captive by work. But most of all, stop talking about work when you are at home.

Bad routines are not healthy; they breed weakness, harm, and damage.

Just ask Morgan Spurlock.

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